What is love? Really?

Is love an emotion? Is it the intense feeling of sexual attraction from one person to another? Or is it the warm feeling you get from embracing a loved one? Unfortunately modern day thinking has distorted the definition of love, confusing it with lust and greed rather than properly associating it with action and selflessness. Whether you are of a deeply religious background or are very secular in your personal convictions, it is easy to spot love. But can we really call love an emotion if it is something we can see? It is easy to identify something by looking at it but emotions and feelings are deceptive.

First thing to note is that love, most of the time, starts off with basic attraction. Attraction for physical, mental or spiritual qualities. Whatever the reason, most love we witness starts off with a basic attraction. The type of love which thrives off of attraction is eros, which in Ancient Greece was the only form of love associated with epithumia, which many ancient Greeks described as a vile and disgusting form of love (if it can be even considered love). It involved intense sexual passion as a result of lust for one person or another.

The next form of love is philadelphia, which is social or love between friends. This is also based on attraction but not of physical features or anything sexual. Rather the attraction to one's personality, disposition, characteristics, etc. This form of love, although much more honest than eros, is not the purest and best expression of love although it can be if the hearts of friends are directed in the right path.

The last form of love I am addressing which in my opinion is the definition of true love, is agape. Agape is the sacrificial love which is independent of the person it is being directed to. Agape is basically love in action and exemplifies true concern. Our hearts direct our lives and our actions reinforce the direction of our hearts. Better yet, our actions can change the course our hearts want to take.

With agape, we can even tie together all three forms of love. Firstly, agape is born out of the person's volition, meaning it is not coerced or persuaded in anyway and independent of the qualities the person is giving his or her love to. For instance, a wealthy man is walking down the street and sees a lady wearing tattered clothes with no make up on. This lady also has terrible mannerisms and is completely uneducated. The man, out of his loving (agape) nature, decides to take care of this woman not because of any good qualities he found in her, but because of his own choice. As I said before, our actions can direct our hearts. As he continues to give to this lady, he starts to build an emotional attachment to her which leads to philadelphia.

Now that they are great friends, this man still agapes the woman by just giving her many things. The love continues to grow. So that you do not misunderstand the next thing I am going to say, the next step will depend on many variables such as gender and interest. Between a man and a woman, constantly giving to each other builds emotion over time which can (although not always) lead to eros. When talking of eros in our modern day society, we have even distorted sexual love in that we feel sexual intercourse and activity is for personal satisfaction. However, even eros can fall into the category of agape if practiced and done properly. Many people often speak of getting sex instead of giving sex.

In the purest and true form of love between a man and a woman, especially in marriage, giving sex is the ultimate form of eros. But now that we live in a society that bathes itself in sexual impurity, getting sex is now seen as the ultimate form of love. One will find that the more they give to someone, whether it be innocent gifts, general care, friendly attention, or even sex, their heart will follow the person they are giving to. Love or agape is basically an action first and emotion second, in that the initiative builds feelings as our actions direct our hearts.

Ever wonder why you miss your ex after so many years? Your probably giving him or her the basic attention you once did when you are supposed to be giving it to someone else. Why is it that you just can't stop sleeping around no matter how hard you try? Out of the selfishness of your heart you have made up for yourself a superficial view of love. Giving is the name of the game not getting. And this is advantageous to us in that we can control our affections. True love, agape, is therefore very powerful.